how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you would pick up someone in the library
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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