I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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