It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
