yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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