he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
