the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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