How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
