dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
