I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
