I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
