Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ttyl tear gas
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
