I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
