As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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