I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
