Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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