you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
