If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
