bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
