I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
