you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
