I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he thought i was a dude.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
