Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
