why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
