Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
