She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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