Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
