oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
