I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
