I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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