theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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