Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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