I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
