Can i not drive my cunt home
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize