no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
