Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
