I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
