I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
