how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
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I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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