with your own penis?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
