Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
