i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
