Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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