Where is the hickey?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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