Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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