after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
