After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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