So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
