Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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