I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
