Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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