it hurts more in the daytime
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
