just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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