I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
