He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
