the day after is always just damage control
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
