Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize