How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
