just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
