you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
