I swear she didn't look like that last week.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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