so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will be naked everywhere
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
