So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
