he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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