but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
