i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
