Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
