lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
