I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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