My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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